You want your child to listen to you. You want to do fun things together. Why is your child not listening? Why can’t your child just go along in what you had planned?
We usually look at the world from our perspective. As adults, we have had opportunities and time to practice swapping perspectives and comparing different perspectives. To connect to our children and assist them in becoming conscious of other peoples’ perspectives, we should take the first step and actively take your child’s perspective. Without including your own preferences and dislikes. This is not easy.
To do this, you can ask yourself questions. An example of what taking your child’s perspective can look like is:
Take 1 Wanting something to get done
Child: “Whoosh whoosh! I’m a space rocket!”
Parent: (thinking) O God, here we go again. I’m asking him to tidy up, he’ll argue he’s still busy, all I want is for him to help around in the house, is that really too much to ask?
“Hey, we’re going to have food in 5 minutes. Tidy up your toy and help set the table, will you?”
Child: “But I’m playing! I’m almost on the next planet!”
Parent: (thinking) See, always an excuse to not tidy or listen in general. Why doesn’t he just listen!
“That’s it, I’ve asked you nicely to tidy and set the table and here you are wanting to play more. Give me that thing and go get the spoons now!”
Child: (thinking) I never get to finish my game when we have to eat. Stupid spoons. Stupid food.
“I don’t want to eat.”
Parent: “Fine, then you don’t eat but you will set the table, and that’s the last I want to hear about it.”
Take 2 Wanting something to get done
Child: “Whoosh whoosh! I’m a space rocket!”
Parent: (thinking) He has been playing space rocket for a while now and is still in his game. I want him to tidy up his toys and set the table. We usually spend 10 minutes arguing about stopping to play. How can I connect to what is occupying my child right now and get him to do his tasks?
“Hey, I see you’re a space rocket, you’re fast! The food is almost ready, but I see you’re still busy. I would like you to start tidying when you’re done with your space flight and join me in the kitchen. Can I count on you?”
Child: “Ok whoosh whoosh.” Thinking: Hmm, I was playing and now food is almost ready. At least I get to finish my flight to planet X with my alien.
I am happy to help your family out in finding ways to connect to your children and improve your family life. Contact me and book your session!
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